Cynical Smile
by Yami Mariko
Summary: //"Get me out of this game, I don't want to play anymore, I don't care what becomes of me, just get me out."// What happens when the most unlikely person snaps?


Disclaimer: You have GOT to be kidding…

A/N - Hey, didn't you ever wonder what Satoshi would be like if he…well…lost it?  

**Cynical Smile**

****

_To anyone who cares:_

_I'm sorry, I don't want to play this game anymore._

_I quit.  _

_Don't want to be special, don't want to be unique._

_Want to blend in, be a no one._

                A merry-go-round this is.  I get on, hoping for a fun ride, seated on my golden steed, and we start going in circles, over and over again, and you can't jump off without killing yourself.  Who gives a damn anymore.  I'll get off this cursed ride and jump to my death.  I'd do it with a smile on my face, too.  I'm sick of being special.  

                If I were still collecting those goddamn spheres, I would gladly crush those shining orbs in my fists, be happy to crush them underfoot.  Watch the beautiful lights inside disappear forever, it's fine with me.  If I were in the crystal towers, I would cheerfully blow the whole things, who gives a shit about those people inside.  I WANT to be a loser.

_Sorry, I'm tired of being the "chosen one."_

_I want to be normal._

_I want to lose._

_Get me out of this game,_

_I don't want to play anymore._

                Water beneath my feet, can feel it soak my jeans, and crawl up my legs.  I don't want to be special, I don't want to save the world.  All I want is the chance to prove something to myself, not the rest of the world.  Who cares about them?  They can make someone else save their fat asses.  I've got one last thing to do.  

                Would anyone really care?  My friends don't need me.  They're happy.  My pokemon are long since gone.  Don't need those lying traitors anyway.  I've always lived for everyone else, I'm sick of it, I'm ready to something for ME.  Who cares about Kasumi, Takeshi?  Who gives a damn about Pikachu?  

_Throw the dice, spin the wheel._

_There's always the chance that you might spin death._

_This game's dangerous._

_I've been lucky so far, who cares what's next?_

_I want out, and I'll get it._

Water's up to my knees now, getting higher.  I loved my life before, being a trainer, having lots of cool friends…  All over now.  My "friends" betrayed me.  What have I got left?  A broken heart, loneliness, no one to keep me company in the dark nights… Who needs friends, anyway?  It'll only lead to heartbreak eventually.  

                Water at my waist, I'm still walking.  I don't want to be a master, I hate pokemon.  Who needs the betraying bitches anyway?  They win your trust, your heart, all of you, and they run away to the first pretty girl they see.  Wonder if they miss me.  Probably happier now, living in the lap of luxury, enjoying things I never could give them.  

_Don't know what I want anymore,_

_All I know is I want out_

_Who cares if what I do makes sense?_

_You'll never understand me._

_Don't even bother trying._

                Water's up to my neck.  And I'm not stopping.  I threw all of my badges, anything that had to do with pokemon away.  Burned them, so no one else could ever benefit from my hard work.  Selfish.  I don't care.  I burned the empty Monster balls.  I burned my hat, the very thing that had been with me from the beginning.  I watched my life disappear in the engulfing flames.  I feel no regret.  

                Slowly, the water slips over my head.  Do I regret anything?  I regret making friends, I despair that I ever loved Pikachu and my pokemon, I hate all of the wonderful things I did.  I can't breathe anymore.  The water's slipping up my nose, in my mouth, in my eyes.  I don't regret any of the horrible, selfish things I did.  As everything shuts down, I wonder, maybe everything's better this way.

_It was nice knowing you._

_It's my time to go.  _

_Don't bother crying over me, I won't care._

_Forget about me, I can't care._

_Dying young, misunderstood,_

_Dying with a cynical smile on my face._

_With no regrets, Satoshi_


End file.
